


31 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do

by me12243



Category: Underworld
Genre: Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-05-27
Updated: 2010-05-27
Packaged: 2014-01-16 02:03:16
Rating: M
Chapters: 1
Words: 402
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6002443/1/
Author URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2119667/me12243
Summary: DISCONTINUED





	31 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do

THIS IS IN SELENE'S POV:

1. I am no longer allowed to video tape Kraven fucking Erika and post it on youtube.

2. Even if I use a Cristina Aguilera song with it.

3. It is very rude to kick Kraven in his private areas.

4. Even if he did eat my last cookie.

5. Kraven's dick does not fit into a pencil sharpener, nor should I try to fit it in one while he's sleeping.

6. Shooting Kraven for no reason is not lady like.

7. Neither is burping randomly to entertain myself during boring meetings.

8. Erika is not out to steal my husband.

9. Especially when I don't have one.

10. Being able to sing all the words to 'Thriller' is cool, but also gets annoying after the fifth time singing it.

11. So is 'Pon De Replay.'

12. Viktor is not my Sugar Daddy.

13. Nor is he anybodies Sugar Daddy.

14. Dreaming about atacking the world with flying monkeys is silly.

15. So is dreaming about raping Johnny Depp.

16. Even if he did technically eat people in Sweeney Todd.

17. Michael is not 'my bitch.'

18. Wanting to make Severus Snape get plastic surgery and lipo so I could marry him with out puking would futile, as he is not a real person.

19. Vampires are not able to eat peanuts so I should stop telling random people to 'lick my nuts' while holding a bad of various peanuts, walnuts, etc.

20. Sex is fun, but I shouldn't do it in Viktor's room.

21. Or in the lounge.

22. Or in the bar.

23. Even if it's a strip bar.

24. Men are not all conspiring against women.

25. Michael is not a gay super hero. Nor is his name 'Gay Man.' (See my other story about gay super heros and perverted people.)

26. I am no longer allowed inside the gun room while I'm really pissed off.

27. Nor am I allowed in if I am laughing mischieviously.

28. If I am to be in the explosives room while the explosives explode, I am held responsible for anyone's injuries. Even if there is not proof I set it off.

29. Raze is not 'My baby daddy.'

30. Viktor des not wish me to hang off the chandelier and shoot people.

31. Even if it's fun.


End file.
